Why am I Acting This Way?
by VampireHermit
Summary: I've just had this idea for a long time ,so I decided to write it. Anyways, it's about Kari and how her life has begun to slip downhill when her parents lose their trust in her..... LAST CHAPTER IS FINALLY UP NOW!!!!!. Rated PG-13 for language and materia
1. Default Chapter

**

Why am I acting This way?  


  
  
**A/n: My first serious Digimon fanfic in a long time! I just got this idea and it's been in my head since forever, so I'm just gonna put it down and get it over and done with, 'kay? Takari. If you can't stand that, either a.) Flame me or b.) save my self-esteem and don't read it.   
Disclaimer: You know wht this is gonna say, don't you? I don't own Digimon. Now, we all knew that, didn't we?  
____________________________________________________________________________________________  
June 2  
Dear Diary,  
I just got this today at the mall. I'm keep ing a summer diary. I know that summer isn't for another 18 days, but you can never start to early with stuff like this.  
I ran into TK and his friends at the food court. He smiled and waved at me. Of course, I just had to shove a hamburger in my mouth at the exact same time! I must have looked like a chipmunk. Disgusting.  
Kari  
_____________________________________________________________________________  
  
"What would you like, kid?" asked the guy behind the counter.  
" One hamburger and a diet coke, please," replied Kari Kamiya.  
The guy got her the food and she paid for it and found a place to sit down. She took a sip from her coke and pulled something from her shopping bag. It was a diary. It was pink and purple and blue, with the word "Smile" in black, bold letters on the front. She studied the gold lock carefully, making sure it would work.  
Kari took a bite of her hamburger.  
"Hey, Kari!" called a voice. "Over here!"  
Kari looked up to see Takeru Takaishi waving at her.  
"Kari! Hi!"  
Kari swallowed. "Hi, TK!"  
TK came over to where Kari was, follwed by some of his teammates from the basket ball team.  
"How are you?"  
"Fine, thanks," she said, feeling like an idiot. "And you?"  
"Fine. Look, I gotta go. Will you come to my game on Friday?"  
"Sure. See ya!"  
"Bye!" He left.  
Kari watched him go a took another sip of her coke.  
  
When she got home, she unlocked her diary and grabbed a pen. She paused, pen over paper, wondering what to write. She closed the diary and put it and the pen under her pillow. She would try again after dinner.  
After she had eaten dinner and gotten ready for bed, Kari took out her diary and tried again.   
'Most people write about what happend in their day,' she thought. 'I'll do that.'  
She settled back into her pillows and began to write.  
_______________________________________________________________________________________________  
June 4  
Dear Diary,  
Some days I can't write. 'Nuff said.  
I got a C on my math test. Mom got a little mad and said that I was grounded until I raised my grades. A C is average! Why am I grounded? Now I won't be able to get to TK's game, dammit! I WANT to go to that game! It means a lot to me!  
In other news, nothing.  
Kari  
_______________________________________________________________________________________________  
Kari sat quietly at her desk, waiting for her teacher to finish passing out the graded math tests.   
"Miss Kamiya," he said, putting it down on her desk. "Nice effort."  
Kari looked at the grade. A C. Well, she had done better than she had hoped.  
"Pssst! Kari!" came a hiss. "What'd you get?"  
"A C," she told TK. "What'd you get?"  
"B+."   
"Better than me."  
"Miss Kamiya and Mister Takaishi, you can chit-chat after class, or here after school. Take your pick," said the teacher.  
"Uh, we'll talk later, thanks."  
Their teacher glared at them and went on with his lesson  


~@~@~@~@~   


"A C isn't so bad," said Rebecca, Kari's friend, at lunch. "I mean, a C's average, isn't it?"  
Kari looked at her test and sighed. "You just tell my mom that. She's not gonna be to happy about this."  
Rebecca sighed. "I know. My mom says I have to get at least a B in all my classes on my next report card, or else no ballet."  
"You actually like it?"  
"Yup. You should try it, you'd be good."  
"No, I wouldn't. I'll pass, thank you."  
"Photography more your thing?"  
Kari shook her head. "I don't know."  
The bell rang.  
"Well, gotta go," said Rebecca. "History. See ya."  
"Bye."  


~@~@~@~@~  


"A C?! You got a C?!"  
"Yes, mama, but-"  
"No 'but's , young lady! That was a hundred-point test and you only got a 75!"  
"Mama--"  
"I haven't finished yet! You are to no longer go out until your grades are back up! Do you hear?"  
"I'm grounded?! But I promised TK I'd be at his basketball game!"  
"Well, now you won't," said her mother firmly, and she turned her back on Kari and to her cooking. "To your room, young lady."  
"Ma--"  
"Now."  
Kari sulked into her room. She picked her pillow off her bed and threw it at the wall, hard. Then she slammed her fists into her matress until she collapsed with exahstion.  
'How could she? How could she, how could she, how could she!' she thought, rage building up in her once more. She hated her mother for this. She punched the matress again.  
She got out her homework, but could not bring herself to do it. She was still too angry. She slammed the book shut and went to her window. She touched her fingers to the glass as she watched the sun set.  
' How am I going to tell TK?'  
______________________________________________________________________________________________  
June 5  
Dear Diary,  
I tried to tell TK that I wouldn't be able to attend his basketball game, but I couldn't. He still thinks that I'm going. What will he think when I don't show up? He'll hate me forever!  
Kari  
______________________________________________________________________________________________  
"TK," Kari said. It was lunch and she was trying to tell him about her predicament.  
Her turned and smiled at her. "Hey, Kari. What's up?"  
"Oh, n-nothing," she said. How could she tell a face as happy as that about her trouble.  
"You still comming to my game? We're gonna beat the Tigers!"  
"Yeah, I'll be there." She plasterd on a fake smile. Why her?  
"Great. See ya."  
"See ya."  
She went to the bathroom and cried for a few minutes. Then she staightend up, thinking 'There's got to be a way!' But nothing came to her and she went to her next class with a heavy heart.  
______________________________________________________________________________________________  
June 7  
Dear Diary,  
I used to hate Thursdays, but this one I love! I found out a way to get to TK's game! I'll sneak out! Why didn't I think of it before? This is wonderful! I'll lock my door, climb out onto the balcony, then use the emergency ladder my dad put out there in case of a fire. If I put it to one side of the balcony, it won't be noticible. I only have to climb down three stories, and the ladder is long. Oh, I can't wait until tomorrow!  
Kari  
______________________________________________________________________________________________  
"...And so, the only way a slave could get freedom from their owners was to run away..." said the history teacher, monotonly, talking about slavery in Amercia.  
Kari thought, 'Like me. Not free to do things, imprisoned.' Then it hit her. 'They ran away! They snuk away from the plantations! If they could do it, I sure can!'  
She was so happy that a small cry of delight issued from her lips.  
"Miss Kamiya, is there something you would like to share with the class?" snapped the teacher, who the kids called Medusa behind her back because she was mean and not what you would call the prettiest person in the world.  
"Oh, uh, I wasjust so happy to hear that the slaves managed to get to freedom through people like Harriet Tubman," said Kari.  
Meduas glared at her and continued. Kari sighed inwardly. She and teachers just haven't been getting along this week!  
  
At home in her room, Kari began to draw an escape route. She would lock her door, climb onto the balcomey and use the escape ladder to get down. If she attatched the escape ladder to the side of the balconey, no one would see it unless they went outside, which they probably wouldn't because the people who lived below them were out on vacation and the people below them were old and disliked going outside at night, even though it was warmer.  
There was a knock on her door. Kari quickly hid the paper under her textbook and went to unlock the door. Her brother Tai stood in the doorway.  
"Yes," said Kari.  
"Dinner's ready. You can come out now, hermit."  
"Stuff it, Tai. Tell Ma I'll be there in a second."  
Tai left and Kari quickly folded her plan and hid it in between the pages of her diary.  
_______________________________________________________________________________________________  
June 8  
Dear Diary,  
I got out of the house OK, no one saw me. TK did great. His team beat the Tigers. He came over and talked to me after the game, saying how glad he was that I had come. I had to cut the conversation short because it was 8:30 and I had to get back home. Here's where the trouble starts: I got into my room and noticed the door was open. I took off my jacket, which I had ripped, and walked into the family room. Ma and Dad were really angry with me. So now I'm grounded until my grades are raised and then some! But it was worth it!  
Kari  
______________________________________________________________________________________________  
Kari locked the door to her room and pulled on her jacket. It was 6:00, and TK's game was in thirty minutes. She slipped out onto the balconey and hooked the ladder to the concrete floor. She would now have to climb over the rail to get to the ladder. She swallowed and climbed over, trying hard not to look down, for it was a long,long way to fall.  
Once she had climbed down the ladder, she ran to the sidewalk where the crowd would shelter her. She ran to her school.  
She was ten minutes early and was able to get a good seat. Now all she had to do was watch out for any of Tai's friends.  
The game started, and Kari gave one final look around and proceeded to watch the game. She saw TK scan the bleachers for her, and when he saw her, he smiled. She waved.  
After TK's team beat the Tigers, she rushed down onto the court to see him.  
"TK!"  
"Kari!" He ran up to her. "I knew you would come!"  
"I told you I would, didn't I?"  
He laughed. "You did."  
"You were great!"  
"Thanks. I'm beat, though. Those guys were good."  
"But you were better."  
"Yeah. But keeping it up two hours is hard."  
"It's eight-thirty?!"  
"Yeah."  
"Uh, TK, I gotta go. Bye."  
She left before he could say another word.  
  
She managed to get up alright, except for when she swung herself over the rail, when he jacket caught and ripped.  
"Shit," she mutterd, examing it. She put away the emergency ladder and went into her room. She put her jacket on her chair, intending to get her sewing materials, when she noticed that her door was open and yellow light was spilling in.  
'Oh no. I'm in deep shit now. Very deep shit.' She took a deep breath and enterd the family room.  
Her parents were both sitting on the couch, reading, which was the second thing to worry her. Her parents rarely read on a Friday night.  
"Ma? Dad?"  
Her parents did not move, but her dad said. "Look, Honey, your daughter is back."  
"I know, George. Seems she's looking for a career as an escape artist."  
"Ma, let me explain--"  
"No, let me explain. I told you that you were to stay in that room until your grades were raised. But you went out anyway and disobeyed me. Therefore, I have the right to lengthen your sentance."  
"Dad--"  
"Kari, your mother told you to stay in your rom. You didn't stay in your room."  
"But--"  
"Listen here, young lady! You are to obey your parents! You are to stay in your room until your grades are raised and then a month after, do you hear? And if you don't get satisfactory grades on your final report card, you can stay in that room until the end of July!"  
"But Ma, I--"  
"Go to your room, Kari!"  
Kari went to her room, thinking 'They can't control me! I won't let them! I won't! Besides, it was worth it.'  
She stared out the window. 'I wouldn't have had to if they would have just listend to me in the first place! All this over a measly C in math! God, this is dumb!'  
She went to bed.  



	2. More Problems

**

Why am I Acting This Way? Part 2  


  
**A/n: Ummm, we start to see some more complications here. I'm not gonna spoil it, so just read, OK?  
Disclaimer: I don't own Digimon! Happy?  
_______________________________________________________________________________________________  
June 9  
Dear Diary,  
TK called today. Dad got it. TK asked if I could go to the mall with him. He also mentioned the basketball game. Dad told TK that I couldn't go and hung up on him. Then he came into my room and started yelling at me. He acused me of having a "sexual relationship with that punk kid"! Can you belive that?! God, I hate him and Ma both, now!  
Kari  
_______________________________________________________________________________________________  
The phone rang. Mr. Kamiya answerd it.  
"Hello, Kamiya residence."  
"Uh, hi, Mr. Kamiya? It's Takeru Takaishi. I was wondering if Kari was available?"  
"Why?"  
"I wanted to see if she would like to go to the mall with me? She left so quickly after the basketball game."  
"I'm sorry, Takeru, but Kari is unavailable at this time. Good day." He hung up.  
Kari only heard what her father said, but she could tell by his tone of voice that she was in deep trouble.  
Sure enough, a few seconds after he hung up, he stormed into her room.  
"Yes, Dad?"  
"That was your friend TK on the phone," he said, slowly. "He wanted to know if you would like to go to the mall with him."  
"What did you tell him?"  
"That you couldn't. He also metioned something about you leaving his basketball game quickly last night."  
Kari stiffend.  
"So that's where you went, to a middle-school basketball game. You disobeyed me and your mother to go see a basketball game!"  
"It wasn't just a middle-school basketball game! TK was in it, and he's my friend. He asked me. I couldn't let him down."  
Very suddenly, her father yelled, "Are you having a sexual relationship with that punk kid?!"  
"What? No, I--"  
"Don't lie to me!"  
"I'm not lying! Me and TK are just friends!"  
"I'll bet!"  
"Don't you trust me?"  
Her father turned and left, saying "No, I thought I could, but now I can't." He slammed to door shut.  
'I HATE them! They aren't parents! They're suspicious slave drivers!'  
______________________________________________________________________________________________  
June 11  
Dear Diary,  
At school TK asked me what I was doing all weekend. I lied and said I had to go to some family thing. He asked me if I was doing anything on Friday. I lied again. I hate lying!  
Kari  
______________________________________________________________________________________________  
"Kari! Kari, wait up!" called TK at school on Monday. Kari groaned and stopped.   
"Hi!" he said.  
"Hi."  
"What were you doing this weekend?"  
"Oh, some goofy family thing. Sorry I missed your calls."  
"That's all right. Do you want to do anything this Friday?"  
"Uh.... No, I'm doing something then, too."  
"Boy, you sure are busy, Kari."  
Just before she could answer, the bell rang.  
"Gotta go! Bye, TK!"  
_______________________________________________________________________________________________  
June 12  
Dear Diary,  
Ma went online today, an all-time rare- the check my grades out on the internet. They had gone down since the last time, one week ago, that she checked them. Ma yelled at me, but that's about all she did, besides make me pass on dinner.  
Kari  
______________________________________________________________________________________________  
"Kari!"  
Kari, who had just come home, wasn't happy about the tone that her mother used.  
"Yeah, Ma?"  
"I went online today and checked your grades."  
"Really?"  
"Yes, I did."  
"What were they?"  
"Worse than they were one week ago. Kari, I expect you to do better than you're doing right now, much better. The reason that yuo're grouned, beside Friday, is that your grades are down. I expect you to do better with out the distractions of friends, not worse."  
"But I am trying!"  
"No, you aren't. If you were trying, you would have better grades."  
"I'm doing the best that you can."  
"The best that you can? Kari, the best that you can is better than a C! I know it is! You used to have As. So now, pray tell, is a C your best when it used to be an A?"  
Kari said nothing.   
"Well?"  
"I don't know."  
"Then I suggest you go and try to do better than you are. Now."  
Hours later, Tai knocked on Kari's closed door.  
"Kari, dinner."  
"I'm not hungry."  
"Kari, you've got to eat."  
"No, I don't. I'm not hungry and I'm not eating dinner. Now leave me alone!"  
Tai gave up and left.  
______________________________________________________________________________________________  
June 14  
Dear Diary,  
There is a dance scedueld for the end of the year. TK asked me. I told him I'd go. I have six days to think and wiegh the consequences of this, but chances are that I'll go anyways. My parents can't stop me. No one can.  
Kari  
______________________________________________________________________________________________  
"Won't it be great, the dance?" asked Rebecca as they stared at the poster.  
"Yeah, I guess it would be nice to go."  
"Guess?"  
"I might not go."  
" No date?"  
"No, it's not that. It's just that I might not go."  
"And miss a big event like this? Kari, you're crazy."  
"Hey, Kari!"  
"Isn't that TK Takaishi?"  
"Yeah," said Kari, waving at TK.  
"Oh my God! I mean, he is such a good basketball player! Popular, too. Isn't his team going to the finals?"  
"Yeah. Late to hold a basketball competition, no?"  
"Hi Kari," said TK when he reached them. "Can I talk to you for a moment?"  
"Sure."  
TK looked at Rebbeca.  
"Oh," she said. "Don't mind me! I'll just be going now. Adios, Kari!"  
"Who was that?"  
"My friend, Rebecca. You wanted to say something to me?"  
"Oh, yeah, right. Do you- do you- do you want to go to the dance with me?"  
"The dance? With you? I'd love to!"  
"You would?"  
"Of course I would. I'll meet you outside the computer lab after school? The dance starts at what, 3:00 and we get out at 2:50, right?"  
"Right. So I'll see then, I guess."  
"Guess so. Bye."  
As she left, she thought, 'What have I gotten myself into? Ma and Dad'll be furious! But who cares? I'll go to that dance, wether they like it or not!'  
_______________________________________________________________________________________________  
June 15  
Dear Diary,  
The dance is in five days, now. I'm still going with TK. Oh yeah, I didn't eat dinner today, alright? I wasn't hungry. Besides, who WANTS Ma's chicken casserole? Not me. I'll pass, thanks.  
Kari  
______________________________________________________________________________________________  
  



	3. Can things get worse?

**

Why Am I Acting This Way? Part 3  


  
  
**A/N: Well, here's the third part. The story so far: Kari's grade have gone down and her parents are punishing her for it. Then she snuck out to see TK's basket ball game and is even bigger trouble. She has stopped eating with her family and has now decided to go to the End-of-the-Year school dance with TK in five days.   
  
Disclaimer: Digimon-- Don't own it,in case you couldn't have guessed!  
________________________________________________________________________________________________  
June 16  
Dear Diary,  
Snuck out again today-- to buy myself an outfit for the dance. But I didn't get caught this time. Oh, yeah, I've made the decision not to eat when I can help it. I'm too fat. And I'm still going to that dance!   
Kari  
________________________________________________________________________________________________  
Kari carefully tip-toed out of her family's apartment, then ran down the stairs and out the door in the direction of the bus stop. An hour earlier, half an hour after her parents left for the day, she had called Rebbeca and made plans to meet her in the food court of the mall. She boarded the bus and sat down in a seat, relived the no one had seen her-- yet.  
A stop before Kari's, Yamato Yoshita, TK's older brother and Tai's friend, got on the bus. Kari turned white and changed seats, putting a fat old man between her and Matt. If Matt saw her, he would tell Tai, who would tell her parents! Kari didn't want to think of what they would do if they found out about her leaving the house again.  
When the bus stopped again, she got off quickly, hoping Matt wouldn't see her face. She ran all the way to the mall and then walked at a clip until she saw Rebbeca at the food court.  
"Hey, Kari!" said Rebbeca. Then, seeing Kari's face, said "What's wrong?"  
"Nothing, nothing," said Kari. "Let's just go shop, okay? I have to be home in an hour and a half."  
"That's not long."  
"I know. Let's go, huh?"  
Five stores later Kari had found her outfit. It was a knee-length black skirt with a pale pink spaghetti-strap tank top.  
"Yes! Yes! That's one's perfect!" sqealled Rebbeca, clapping.  
"You really think so?"  
"Of course I do!"  
Kari looked at the price. "Well, it's not too expensive..."  
"So let's buy it!" Rebbeca was getting impatient.  
"Oh, alright, alright... Let me change..."  
While they were standing in line, Kari noticed the other girls in the shop. They all seemed very tall, very skinny, and had on way too much make-up, in her opinion, at least.  
'Snobs,' she thought in disgust as they moved haughtily away from people who were in front of the circular rack they wanted to look out of. 'Who wants to have that much make-up on. Or those ridiculous platforms--they'd be tall enough with out them.. And who wants to be that skinny?-- Or am I just jealous because I'm short and fat? I'm not fat-- am I? Yes, I am. I'm way too fat. I need to lose weight! I'm such a pig!'  
It was her turn to pay for her clothes. She paid the lady, said good-bye to Rebbeca, and left for home. None of Tai's or her parents' friends were on the bus, which was good because Kari was too busy thinkg of how she needed to loose weight.  
'I'll just stop eating. That should do it. Only for a few weeks--three, at the most-- and then I'll start eating again. I'm surprised TK even speaks to me, I'm such a hippo!'  
She made it home unnoticed and hid her clothes in her closet. She would start her plan today.  
_______________________________________________________________________________________________  
June 18  
Dear Diary,  
I've now been two days without food! Yeah for me! My parents and Tai haven't seemed to notice yet and I think that Beca suspects-- but in two days I won't have to see her five days a week, so she won't question me as much.  
Kari  
_______________________________________________________________________________________________  
"Kari, aren't you going to eat anything?"  
"I'm not hungry, Rebbeca."  
"C'mon, just a bit of and apple?"  
"Rebbeca, I had a really big breakfast! I don't need an apple! I'm not hungry."  
"You don't have to shout, Kari."  
"Sorry."  
"It's alright." But Rebbeca was silent for the rest of lunch and stayed away from Kari for the rest of the day.  
_______________________________________________________________________________________________  
June 19  
Dear Diary,  
Only one more day of school! Hip hip hooray! My grades went down in the past week, but my report card won't be mailed until tomorrow, so I'll probably see it Saturday.  
Kari  
-______________________________________________________________________________________________  
June 20  
Dear Diary,  
Today was the last day of school! Yeah! I went to the dance with TK. I would have stayed there until 5, when it was over. But I ended up leaving at 4:30. Why? One word: Dad. Yup, you got it. He came right in there and dragged me out of there. I have bruises on my arm from where he grabbed my arm. Then he yelled at me and now I can't come out of my room until July. Only once a day am I allowed to leave to use the bathroom. So now I'm stuck here, locked in. Boy, this is going to be one boring summer.  
Kari  
_______________________________________________________________________________________________  
The moment the bell rang the students of Kari's last period class were out the door and into the halls. Kari made her way to the computer lab with difficulty due to the people rushing in the opposite direction-- towards the gym, where the dance would be held. Kari leaned against the wall outside the lab to wait. At 2:59, TK appeared.  
"Hey."  
"Hey. Did I keep you waiting?"  
"No, no, you haven't. Let's go to the dance."  
They walked side-by-side to the gym.  
"What are you going to do this summer?" asked TK.  
"Oh, I don't know. Probably just hang out around the house."  
"Oh. I'm going to basket ball camp in a week."  
"You are?"  
"Yeah."  
"You'll have a great time. When will you be back?"  
"Agust."  
"You're going to be gone all summer?"  
He shrugged. "I guess so."  
They walked the rest of the way in silence. The gym was decorated with streamers of all colors and there were students everywhere: dancing in the middle of the room, at the snack table, leaning against the walls to talk or wait to be asked to dance.  
"Wow," said Kari. "I should have brought my camera."  
"Well, you didn't. But you could dance with me instead of taking pictures."  
"Very funny."   
"Well, do you want to dance?"  
"Sure."  
Kari couldn't reccall how long exactly she danced with TK. Somewhere along the lines of an hour to an hour and fifteen minutes. Either way, she didn't notice how tired she was until TK suggested getting something to drink. She took him up on the offer. He got them some punch and they sat down on some spare chairs that they found. Kari had forgotten about her parents.  
Big mistake.  
While TK was throwing away their cups, Mr. Kamiya appeared in the doorway, looking very angry. Kari saw him a split second before he saw her and gasped.  
'I'm in deep,deep shit,' she thought. There was no way that she'd be able to run or even hide with out her father seeing her. She just stood there, bracing herself for the worst.  
Mr.Kamiya came up to her within twenty seconds.  
"Come on, Kari. We're leaving." He reached out and grabbed her arm, hard. When she tried to jerk her arm away, his grip tightend.  
"Dad, I can walk by myself."  
"We're leaving," her father repeated, pulling her away.  
"But, I have to say good-bye to--"  
"Too bad."  
TK came just as she was being hauled away.  
"Kari--?" he began.  
Kari gave him one sorrowful look over her shoulder as her dad marched her off, not daring to speak. That look held all of her good-byes.  
Mr.Kamiya did not let go of Kari until they were inside of their apartment. Tai was off somewhere with his friends and Mrs.Kamiya sat on the sofa, clearly not wanting to have any part of what was going on.  
"Kamiya Hikari!" roared Mr.Kamiya. "I belive I told you not to go out with anyone!"  
Kari's fear was suddenly replaced with rage. "You never said I couldn't go out with anyone."  
"Stay away from that boy!"  
"Dad, we were not going out! We were just--"  
"I know what I saw! You lied to me about you and that kid! Again you lied to me! I'll have no more of it! You are not comming out until sometime in July!"  
Kari just stood there and glared.  
"Move!"  
She turned slowly on her heel and walked to the door, slammed it, and dressed into her pyjamas.   
'Well, fine,' she thought. 'If that's the way you want it, then let's see what will come of it. And it won't be good.' She sat down on her bed and threw the covers over her head, despite the heat. Under there, it seemed, was the only place where she could be alone.  
_______________________________________________________________________________________________  
June 21  
Dear Diary,  
I ate today. But I threw it up immeadiatley afterwards. I know what you are thinking : "This girl has an eating disorder. She's mentally unstable" Well, I'm not! I'm just fine! I won't pass out! I won't go to the hospital! I'll be fine, thinner, but fine.   
I want to call TK and explain to him. I want to apologize to him for the game and yesterday. But I'm stuck here, in this cage that my parents call a room.  
Kari  
_______________________________________________________________________________________________  
June 22  
Dear Diary,  
I felt dizzy today. I think I passed out once, but I was in my room, as usual. I know that one moment it was 1:20, the next 3:15. Well, I'm fine. I didn't eat a thing today, because throwing up the food takes a while and it makes my throat sore from sticking my finger down it.  
Tai slid a note under my door today. I threw it away. Quite frankly, I don't care what he has to say. I'm angry at all of them!  
My parents for being stupid, and Tai for not stopping them!  
Kari  
_______________________________________________________________________________________________  
**_Kari,  
It's me, Tai. Your older brother. I'm worried about you. You don't come to dinner anymore. In fact, I haven't heard you come out of that room of your yet. Do you eat at all? You really should. No offense, but you're skinniet that a toothpick. You've been really moody latley,too. I know that you're mad at Mom and Dad for punishing you, but, really, you kinda deserve it. Are you alright. Please write me back or talk to me or something! Please!  
Tai  
P.S. TK told Matt that he'd miss you while he was at camp._**  
  



	4. Things can get worse

(Type a title for your page here) **

Why am I Acting This Way?-part 4  


**  
Daisclaimer: I do not own digimon or anything digimon related  
A/n: Well, it's finally up! Sorry it took so long. When We left off, Kari was anorexic, angry, haertbroken, and just palin nasty to her family. And it does get worse.  
__________________________________________________________________________________________  
June 23  
Dear Diary,  
Last year, I was at the mall with Becca. I would have been this year, too, but I'm grounded. Can you belive all this started with one lousy C on a math quiz? Life sucks. TK left for basketball camp today, I think. It just isn't fair! None of it! None! I wrote TK a letter, but I'll never be able to send it. This isn't the first time in my life that I have hated Saturdays.  
I think I fainted again. While I was writing to TK, I guess because one moment I was writing, the next I was on the floor by my desk. It left a big mark on the letter, another reason not to send it.  
I'm so hungry and so bored. I don't think that my family notices me gone. I only emerge to go to the bathroom, and fill my water bottles. I go through about six a day. I don't get hungry so much anymore, but I am very thirsty.  
________________________________________________________________________________________________  
_Dear TK,  
Hi, its me, Kari. How's your summer? Mine sucks. I'm grounded. But not for going to the dance with you! You see, my parents got upset over my grades, so they grounded me. And then I went to the dance with you, and they got madder. But it wasn't your fault. I'm sorry for not telling you, but I just couldn't.-----------------------------------------  
I miss you!  
Kari  
_______________________________________________________________________________________________  
_June 24  
Dear Diary,  
I can't wait until Sunday. Then Tai starts soccer practice, Dad goes to work, and Mom goes and does voulenteer work at the homeless shelter. I will be left in my room, which suits me just fine. I can talk on the phone-- no,wait, Becca is mad at me and TK's gone! Well, at least I'll be by myself.  
Guess what? Tai made me eat a sandwitch today. I told him I wasn't hungry, but he made me eat it anyways. Then he gave me this lecture, and left. I pretended to listen, but I didn't. I'll eat breakfast tomorrow, wait until the house is empty, then throw up the food and work out. Maybe I'll even go for a jog in the park, as long as I saty clear of Tai.  
_______________________________________________________________________________________________  
There was a knock on the door.  
"Yes?"  
"Kari, can I come in?"  
"Sure."  
Tai enterd the room and sat down on the bed, next to his sister.  
"How're you?"  
She glared at him.   
"I guess that's rather obvious, huh?"  
"You think?"  
"Hey, I didn't want Mom and Dad to punish you, either, but...."  
She was silent.  
"When's the last time you ate, Kar?"  
"What?"  
"When did you last eat?"  
"Yesterday."  
"What did you eat?"  
"A pear."  
"That's not much."  
"I wasn't hungry, Tai."  
"Here," he said, holding out a peanut butter sandwich. "Eat it."  
"No thanks, I'm not hungry."  
"Eat it, Kari."  
"No, Tai."  
"Please, Kari, you're way too thin."  
Resentfully she took the sandwich and ate it, slowly.  
"Fell better?"  
"Yeah," lied Kari.  
"Good." He stood up to leave. "You know Kari, you really should eat more. I'm really worried about you. You might faint one day." He left.  
'God!' she thought. 'He's going to make me fat!'  
"Shit," she muttered, and lay back in her bed, moodier than usual.  
_______________________________________________________________________________________________  
June 25  
Dear Diary,  
Well, I ate, waited, threw it up, and changed into my workout clothes. I did 67 push-ups, 100 sit-ups, some work out I saw on television, and took a 45-minute jog. I've lost 10 pounds. Not enough! I'm still fat and ugly! TK's lucky he left, he doesn;t have to look at my ugly face!  
_______________________________________________________________________________________________  
"Bye Tai," said Mrs. Kamiya as she left. She didn't bother to aknowledge Kari.  
Shortly after, Tai left. Kari was alone. The first thing she did was rush to the bathroom and throw up her cereal. Then she changed into her sweatsuit, and began her work out. She did push-ups and sit-ups until she couldn't move. Then she turned on the television and did a workout.  
Then she slipped quietly out the door and down the stairs and out the building. She ran to the park, rested, then ran on the path, then back. Running gave her time to think. She was angry at her parents, and at herself for being fat.   
she had no reason to be bad at her friend, She decided to call Becca once she got back.  
She got home, but instead of calling her friends, she went to her room and took a nap. When she woke up, she had forgotten about her decision to call.  
_______________________________________________________________________________________________  
June 26  
Dear Diary,  
Something really,really, terrible happend today. Two things, actually. One, I looked in the mirror. Two, my dad got home early. And he was mad. I guess he'd had a bad day at work, left early, had a beer or two on the way back, and got home mad at the whole world. Dinner wasn't ready yet.  
He came into my room, while I was doing sit-ups. I had gotten to 83. I don't know what I did to piss him off, but he came after me anyways. I ran around the house, screaming, but he caught up to me. He beat me.  
I wish Tai had gotten home sooner.  
_______________________________________________________________________________________________  
"81...82...83.." Kari said. She was so worked up in her work- out she didn't even notice her father come in.   
"I hope that was your last one, Kari."  
She jumped up. "Dad, you scared me."  
"Why isn't dinner ready?"  
"Mom isn't home yet, Dad."  
"Why didn't you make dinner?"  
"I didn't know that you wanted me to."  
Kari had just enough time to duck out of the way as her father came at her with a clentched fist.  
She screamed and ran.  
"Get back here, you damned bitch!" Mr. Kamiya yelled pounding after her. She was fast, but he was faster. He knocked her over from behind.  
"Oof!"  
Her dad hit Kari again. She put up her arms to cover her face. She quietly began to try to stand up. Her father punched her again. Then again. Kari was dizzy and weak from lack of food, and it took her a while to stand up and move towards the bathroom. Once she knew where it was, she ran. Her father was still one her heels. She rushed into the bathroom and closed and locked to door. She went over to a corner of the room and sat down, pulling her knees to her chest. Her father banged on the door for a few moments, then gave up and left.  
Kari cried. She was hurt physically and mentally.  
"Tai, why weren't you here?" she whispered. Tai would have protected her. Her would have fought their father. She decided to not be so mad at him for making her eat that sandwich.   
After a few minutes, she slowly stood up. Her arms were begining to show signs of dark bruises. She went over to the mirror and drew in her breath when she saw herself.  
Normally she avoided looking in the mirrior. She hadn't seen herself in a long time. She didn't expect to see a girl with the beginings of two black eyes, a bruise on her cheek, a swollen lip, and angry, terrified eyes. She most shocked by how thin she looked. Her eyes were sunken in, her neck and chin were boney. She bent her head so that her chin touched her neck. No trace of a double chin.  
She looked back at the mirror.   
"I'm ugly!" she said. She turned away from the mirror and waited until she heard her mother and Tai come in. Then she sneaked back into her room without them seeing her.  
_______________________________________________________________________________________________  
June 28  
Dear Diary,  
I'm lucky I was the only one here today. I got a letter from TK! He actually sent me a letter! It's a shame that I can't write him a letter back. I really, really, want to.  
So far, I've lost fifteen pounds.  
I passed out again today.  
______________________________________________________________________________________________  
**_Kari,  
Hi, it's me, TK. I'm having fun at basketball camp. But I really miss you. What happend at the dance, anyways? I want to know, Kari. Was it something I did? Please tell me.  
I know this sounds stupid, but you should take care of yourself. Matt tells me that Tai is really worried about you. He says you're getting very skinny and aren't eating.   
Well, that's all I have to say. Write me!  
Love,  
TK  
_______________________________________________________________________________________________**  
June 30  
Dear Dairy,  
Guess where I am. Just guess. Well, I'm in the hospital. That's right, the hospital. It sucks so bad. What happend was I was going down the stairs, to jog, and I guess I blacked out and fell or someting, because here I am with a broken leg. My family came to see me at about seven. (Guess they really care.) Tai gave me my diary. He told me he didn't read it. The doctors told them that I had an eating disorder and recomended counseling. I do NOT need counseling. I NEED to be thinner.  
Screw them. I'll be able to go home in two days.  
_______________________________________________________________________________________________  
"Mr and Mrs.Kamiya?" asked the doctor. Kari's parents looked up from Kari's side.  
"Yes?"  
"You do know that Kari has an eating disorder."  
"Yes."  
"We have given you a list of clinics and counselours to pick from?"  
"Yes, right here."  
"Have you chosen someone?"  
"Yes," said Kari's father. "Well, actually, we've narrowed it down to two, but we'll call to make arrangements."  
"Good," said the doctor, and strode out.  
"Honey, we haven't even looked at it!"  
Kari kept her eyes closed. Her parents probably thought that she was unconscious.  
"And that's the way it'll stay!"  
"But--"  
"We don't need no fuckin' shrink for Kari. She fine."  
"But--"  
"Listen, if I say she's fine, she's fine! She ain't got no problem, and that's the way it'll stay. Understand?"  
"Yes, but--"  
"Shaddup, bitch. She's fine.Coversation. ended."  
Kari's mother remained silent. Kari kept her eyes closed, still.   
'My father is turning into a monster. But he's right. I'm fine. I don't need a shrink. I'm fine. All I need is to be thin.'  



	5. The Worst

(Type a title for your page here) **

Why Am I Acting This Way- part 5  
  


** A/n: Well, Kari's fained, thrown up, exercised like mad, and had gotten a lecture. Plus, her father beat her one day when he got back from work, and now Kari's in the hospital. Her family knows about her anorexia, but her father won't let her get help, and Kari is with him.   
Disclaimer: Digimon is NOT mine. Get it? Got it? Good.  
  
_______________________________________________________________________________________________ July 1  
Dear Diary,  
I get to go home tomorrow. Tai came to visit me today. He thinks that most of the bruises are from my fall. Some are, but most are from Dad. TK knows about me now. Bet he thinks I'm an idiot.  
_______________________________________________________________________________________________  
"Hi, Kari."  
"Hi, Tai."  
"How are you?"  
"I'm feeling okay. My leg hurts, though."  
"You got beat up pretty bad when you fell down those stairs."  
'Most of them were from Dad, Tai.'  
"Yeah, well.... I'm fine."  
"You've been eating?"  
"Yes. I've been eating."  
"Good." Tai paused. "Matt told TK about you."  
Kari blanched. "He did?"  
"TK's worried for you."  
"I'll be fine Tai. Don't worry. Everything'll be okay." 'I wish.'  
_______________________________________________________________________________________________  
July 2  
Dear Diary,  
Well, I am finally home. My parents just brought me up in the elevator and dumped me on my bed, nothing special. They at least put my crutches where I can reach them. So now, I can hobble around the house. By the way, they don't care if I eat, though I think it's because Dad's told Ma to shut up, and he lied to Tai about me getting dinner in bed.  
______________________________________________________________________________________________  
July 3  
Dear Diary,  
It's a Tuesday. Dad gets home early on Tuesdays. I hobbled around and made dinner-- something nice, I don't remember. Well, it wasn't exactly what he wanted, so he hit me. I went to my room very quickly, and shut the door. At least he doesn't get home early on wensdays.  
______________________________________________________________________________________________  
Kari had just finished putting dinner on the table when her father came in, with bloodshot eyes and a stagger.  
"What's this shit on the table? I wanted fillet minion!" he said. "Damn bitch! Can't even make the right food! Get outta my sight, fuckin' bitch!" he screamed, hitting her. Kari hurridly hobbled into her room and shut the door.  
______________________________________________________________________________________________  
July 4  
Dear Diary,  
Good news, bad news, really bad news. I'll tel you the good news first. TK called! I managed to explain a few things before he had to go. Bad news: Dad came home early. Really bad news: TK called, and my dad answerd it. I don't wanna write about it.  
______________________________________________________________________________________________  
"Hello, Kamiya residence."  
"Kari? It's TK."  
"TK! Hi!" said Kari. 'He called me! He likes me!'  
"Kari, I'm glad you're there. I need to talk to you."  
"I know. TK, I'm sorry about the dance. It was my fault. I wasn't allowed to go, and my dad got mad at me. It had nothing to do with you. I'm sorry. Really, I am."  
"It wasn't me?"  
"No. My dad didn't even know I was there with you."  
"And you go grounded. Bummer. How are you?"  
"Fine, just fine. My leg's busted, though."  
"I know that. Are you eating?"  
"Yes." Well....she was entitled to her own share of lies, wasn't she? In truth, she'd only eaten a sandwich since leaving the hospital.  
"Good. I gotta go. I'll call you later, okay? Bye."  
"Bye."  
  
Kari was in her room reading when her father came home. Kari cringed as the door slammed shut. She went to make sure her door was locked. If he was drunk, maybe he'd have trouble finding the key.  
Then the phone rang.  
Kari listend as her father went over to the phone and picked it up.  
"Hello?....TK?...No, she's busy, sorry.Bye."  
'Uh-oh....I'm in deep shit.'  
Kari was thrown back from the door as her father pounded on it.  
"Kari!Open this door! Bitch! You _were_ sexually involved with that punk kid! Open this door! Now!!!!!"  
Kari was blindly scabbling backwards, towards her window. She had to get out.  
'Where am I gonna run?' she thought bitterly. 'I can't do anything with this leg.'  
The pounding and yelling continued. Her father would break down the door, she knew it. She looked around for a place to hide, and decided upon the closet. Leaving her crutches, she scooted towards the door. She was just inside with the door closed when--  
WHAM!  
Kari shudderd and moved further back into the closet, trying to get as far away from her father as possible. She held her breath, hoping her wouldn't find her. She heard him looking around, silent and angry. Slowly she heard footsteps come closer to her hiding spot. He would find her soon. Any moment she would be toast.  
"Hello? Any one home? Kari?" It was Tai. He was home! He would come and save her and--  
No, he wouldn't. Her father had just broken down the door. What could Tai possibly do?  
"Hello?" Tai said, again. He was closer to her room now. Her father had stoped comming towards the closet.  
"Dad? What's going on? Why'd you break down the door?"  
'Tai, run! Run!' Couldn't he hear her father's angry breathing? 'Run, dammit! Run!'  
"Dad?"  
Kari heard her father let out an angry roar and heard him run towards Tai. There was the sound of someone hitting a hard surface--most likley the wall. Then there were grunts-- Tai and her father were fighting. Then there was a sickening noise, as if one had just broken someething. Some one hitting the floor. Footsteps comming at her--  
The closet door burst open, and light poured in. Some one reached in,through the clothes,and draged her out by her shirt collar. Her father.  
Kari made an odd choking noise as her father raised her over her head. She winced as her head hit the cealling.  
"You--" The way he said it made it sound as if she was something nasty to be scarepd off of ones shoe. "You are a little liar and a sneak! Bitch!"  
Kari was barely getting air. Things were staring to get fuzzy. She thought she saw Tai, lying unconcious on the ground.  
"Bitch! Liar! Sneak!"  
Kari grabbed at the tightening hand on her neck. It was uesless. This was how she would die, alone, stangled to death by her father. And no one would care.  
The door opend and shut.  
"What the--?" It was Kari's mother.  
Mr. Kamiya dropped Kari. She fell and landed with a dull thud. She clutched at her neck with one hand, her leg with the other. She was and awful pale-green color.  
"Honey, what--?"  
Kari looked at her mother. She seemed surprised. The woman carefully surveyd the scene. She looked at Kari, then at Tai's prone form. She made to reach him, but her husband grabbed her.  
Without a word, her dragged her away. Mrs.Kamiya stuggled fiercly for someone her size. Kari heard her a door slam.  
'God, please, please, protect her. Don't let him kill her.' Kari would have done no good trying to stop him. Her father would have killed her on the spot.  
Tai moaned. She made her way towards him, and laid a hand on his back. He moaned again.  
"Shhhh. It's alright." It was a lie.  
"Kari, what--"  
The was a scream from her parents' beroom. Then a slapping noise.  
She sighed. Tai looked at her. His nose was bleeding and looked broken, and he had a black eye. His eyes reflected her own-- sorrowful and afraid.  
"Dad-" Tai whisperd, his lip starting to bleed. "He's a monster."  
Kari nodded. "I know."  
"He beat you?"  
She nodded. "I'm okay, I think." She sniffed. "Mom--"  
"Will be okay," said Tai. He stuggled to sit up, then stopped. "My head hurts."  
Kari just sat there and held his head on her lap while he passed out again. After a time, her father left. He ignored them.  
"Mom," said Tai. She jumped. She didn't know he was up. He got up, with a moan, and handed her her crutches. Together, they made their way to their parents' room.  
They had only made it halfway when their mother emerged. She was wearing her bathrobe. She looked awful.  
"Move, I need to go clean up." She pushed them aside and started towards the bathroom. "Oh," she said, turning. "Don't tell anyone about this. Please. You father is a good man, he just had too much to drink, that's all. Forgive him."  
Kari did not see how she could forgive a person who had nearly killed her, hurt her brother, and raped her mother. If it could be called that. Yes, she thought. It was. If the victim doesn't want to, and is forced, then it is rape.  
She sighed and hobbled into her room.  
_______________________________________________________________________________________________  
July 5  
Dear Diary,  
I had to forgive my dad for what he did yesterday. Tai's nose is broken, but he went and saw Joe to fix it. My dad fixed my door. I hate him still. Bastard.  
Wrote another letter to TK, but I'm not sending it.  
_______________________________________________________________________________________________  
_Dear TK,  
Hey, it's me. I'm glad you understand about the dance.  
Help me, TK. My father is a monster. A horrible, ugly monster. I hate him! He nearly killed me! He beats me. He calls me names. He hurts my mom. He beats up Tai. TK, help. Get the police or something. Help me out of this hell. Please. Put me somewhere where people will care about me and what I eat. (I haven't eaten much.) Please, TK. Please.  
Love,  
Kari  
______________________________________________________________________________________________________________  
July 6  
Dear Diary,  
Well, Dear Diary, it seems that I am not the only one that my father has a problem with. See, now he's after who Tai dates. He doesn't seem to like that fact that Tai is on the phone with a few different people, a few of which are girls. Tai says he isn't gonna date any of them, honest (nice try, Tai. Hey, that ryhmes!) but my father.....  
_______________________________________________________________________________________________  
Kari was eavsdropping, having nothing else to do. Her father didn't seem to like something. That made her twitchy.  
"Tai, you spend too much time on the phone."  
"Sorry, Dad, I won't talk on the phone for so long any more."  
"No, you won't talk on the phone at all! Not for the rest of the summer!"  
"What?"  
"You seem to hold long conversations with several different girls. Sora, Mimi,Lisa..." Her father seemed to be reading a list.  
"Hey! Sora is my friend, so's Mimi! The rest I don't talk to at all."  
"Perfect! My son's a liar and a cheat, and my daughter's a sneak and a slut! My kids are no better'n shit!"  
"Dad--'  
"Room. Now. No phone. Get."  
Kari heard a door shut. She slumped against the door.  
'What else is next?'  
_______________________________________________________________________________________________  
July 7  
Dear Diary,  
No, I haven't eaten in a while, if you were wondering. No one else is.They care about me shit. Dad's a phsychotic drunk, and Ma wants it to stay hidden. Plus, Tai....well, he's too busy to talk to me. Lately, for some reason.Maybe I should just go and drown myself. Or eat worms, like in that song.... "Nobody likes me, everybody hates me, I guess I'll go eat worms..."  
_______________________________________________________________________________________________  
Kari finished writing, locked her diary, and began to cry.   



	6. Conclusion

(Type a title for your page here) A/n: Sorry this took so long! I've been very, very, lazy, I know! I am soooo sorry! But this is the last chapter! I swear!  
_________________________________________________________________________________________________  
July 8  
Dear Diary,  
Tai hasn't been dating any girls. He's been dating guys and my dad will find out! I know he will. I am very afraid, for Tai and Matt. That's right, Ishida Yamato, Tai's boyfriend. How do I know this? Matt came over today and I walked in on them kissing, unfortunatley. I really don't wish to talk about it.  
_________________________________________________________________________________________________  
Nov 24  
Dear Diary,  
I am sooooo sorry it took me so long to write, but a lot's been happening. I mean a lot.  
First, right after I locked you and hid you away that last time, Dad came in and started to beat Tai senseless. It was the scariest thing I had ever seen in my life!Dad was calling him all sorts of awful names, and then he threatend to go and kill Matt when he was through with Tai. Ma sneaked into the kitchen and called the police. They came in right before Dad was about to leave, about five minutes after he had quit beating Tai-- and me. You see, I screamed at some point and he dragged me out of my room and hit me too.  
anyway, Dad got arrested and me and Tai were taken to the hospital. They put me in the eating disorder clinic for therapy. I stayed there for a loooooong while, about the time it took to put my father in jail and for my parents to divorce, my mother taking most of the money.  
TK came home durring the end of August, right before I left the hospital. He told me how sorry he felt for not have seeing my father for the abusive man he was-- which was nonsense, and I told him so. Then he kissed me. KISSED me! He really did like me! I was soo happy!  
Of course, things haven't been the best. I'm getting B's and A's in school, and I've made up with Becca. Tai's still gay and is still dating Matt. I'm dating TK--which I am soo happy about-- and Ma's got a promotion. You know, they almost took me away from her, for what she did to me before Dad became what he did. But I'm kinda glad she's still here.  
My anorexia is better, I'm not fully over it. There are times when eating makes me feel physically ill, and I do sometimes purge. But I'm getting better, a little at a time.  
Anyway, I've got to go. TK's here for dinner. In fact, he's waiting for me to finish this. so, good bye for now, Diary. I hope to fill your pages with happy thoughts....though you know I most likely will have some bad times.  
_______________________________________________________________________________________________  
Kari put down her pencil and shut the book. Then she locked it and hid it under her pillow.  
"You ready?" asked TK.  
Kari nodded, jumping down off her bunk. "Yeah, sure. C'mon, the rest are waiting for us."  


A/n: Stinky ending, but I just want to finish this! R/R, please! 


End file.
